This article for here especially for anyone who's targeted a Boy that seems right for them, and he happens to be a Japanese Boy, but we can all learn from it if Japanesey is the way you swing. Perhaps you are already dating him. For anyone who doesn't know, Japanese Boys as friends or lovers are some of the funniest, easiest going, friendly, and polite of all boys you may ever meet. They can also pretend to be gentlemen, but the majority probably secretly think about big boobs and sex most of the time. Eh, that one isn't limited to Japanese Boys, is it.

Let's get some basic stuff down, because I have seen horrors upon horrors when it even comes to "Am I dating him or not?".

Japanese Dating Terms
(For the time being I am using a computer that does not like Japanese script. Romaji only for now, sorry.)

Keep in mind, I am American, and because these things vary from country to country, English-speaking or not, watch out if you're not American yourself. In Japan, although they use lots of English in daily life, the meanings have become different. Let's take a look at the best translations I can offer. This stuff has to be lived to be fully understood in my mind, but study hard.

DATE (de-to suru): We might say in English, "Will you date me?" "How long have you been dating?" "I want to date you forever." I once did a project to find out when Japanese on campus had first dated someone and for how long. I was shocked to hear very young ages and I got lots of confusing answers. To date (de-to suru) in Japanese means literally the act of going on a date with someone, who is not necessarily your boyfriend or girlfriend. You can even go on dates with this person for a year or more without "going out" with them. So watch how you use the word date (de-to) in Japanese.

GO OUT/PAIR UP/BE A COUPLE/ETC. (tsukiau): You use the term tsukiau when you mean what "we're dating" means in English. You can ask someone out with "tsukiatte kudasai!", please go out with me!, and other helpful phrases. Although this term is usually used for couples, friends can be "paired up" this way as well. I once had a fight with a Japanese girl-friend who mentioned "should we tsukiau as we always did before?", meaning in that case should we be friends as we were before (or become casual acquaintances because of the bad fight).

BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND (boifurendo/ga-rufurendo): Watch OUT with these ones. If  a Japanese Boy asks you to become his girlfriend, it MAY NOT MEAN YOU ARE NOW A COUPLE! The terms boyfriend/girlfriend are not very serious ones, like they could be in English; they are mostly associated with a friendly sort of relationship. Your male friends can be your Japanese boyfriends. In one case, a friend of mine was asked "Will you be my girlfriend?" by a boy she fancied, and she rejoiced, telling everyone on campus they were going out. He came up to me panicking and saying that isn't what he meant, he just wanted to be closer to her, and how can he explain it properly? The true meaning of his request was explained to her eventually and at first left her in tears. This is a perfect example of the Japanese using English, but not the same way an English-speaker might. BE CAREFUL using the terms boyfriend and girlfriend in Japan!

BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND (kareshi/kanojyo): To actually express that you are going out with someone seriously, you may call them your kareshi or your kanojyo, boyfriend or girlfriend respectively, and I recommend actually using the possessive - "Kochira wa watashi no kareshi", meaning "This is my boyfriend." However don't freak out if your boyfriend refers to another chick as kanojyo - the terms kareshi and kanojyo literally mean "he/him" or "she/her", and can be used to refer to people as such. That's why I recommend you use the possessive. You will probably hear your Japanese side introducing you with a possessive (or not at all, they can be so shy).

LOVER (koibito): To most Americans, the term lover indicates something sexual, and something somewhat serious. It also indicates cheating if used around married people, but this article isn't about married people, is it? The Japanese word koibito can be a substitute for kareshi/kanojyo, and it is used for people who are going out, but whereas it does indicate a serious relationship, in Japan it doesn't really have a sexual meaning as well. This is just a very romantic term and you really wouldn't use it in introductions or anything.

I LIKE YOU/I LOVE YOU (suki; daisuki): You can admit your love to somebody by telling them "SUKI DESU!", I like you!, or "DAISUKI DESU!", I love you!. Saying these things is another way of asking someone out as well. It seems straight forward that suki is like and daisuki is love, but I know some people have another question on the tip of their tongue. So...

I LOVE YOU (ai shiteru): What's the difference between daisuki and ai shiteru? First let's get literal. Daisuki literally means "big liking"; you like something very much, you love it. Ai shiteru literally means "doing love". The real difference is how and when to use the terms. You can say daisuki anytime to anyone you feel strongly about or feel in love with someone. Tell them anytime you like, even the first date (although Japanese are not as obsessed with saying it as much as some Americans are). Ai shiteru is very, very deep; you could even say it is "beyond romantic". Pyon explained it very well once: "Ai shiteru is once you really know the person well... all their bad things, all their good things, and trust them completely, and despite anything that's gone wrong or will go wrong, you love them, and that is ai shiteru." Ai shiteru is not a first date thing. It's also not even something you should always whisper after sex, or during a candlelit dinner, unless you are living in the movies and anime (do NOT use this term as much as made-up people do!!!). Ai shiteru should be rare, for the absolutely perfect moment when it is completely overwhelming you so that you can think of nothing else. Yet I suppose if we could all judge how to properly use ai shiteru, the divorce rate wouldn't be so terrible. Be careful. Overusing the term will make your Japanese side uncomfortable.
 

Think of Japan a little bit as a very delayed America... men are still expected to be manly: picking up checks, not crying, etc. If your boy is trying to be manly these ways, it's probably best to just let him. Pride is easily hurt in Japan, especially if you are male, and this is a different culture, so if we are here, we must try our best to accept it as our own. Even something like being shorter than his girlfriend can damage the pride of a Japanese Boy very badly (I have never seen a Japanese couple with the girl being taller than the boy. Never. If you ever see one, please snap a photo for me). However, many things Westerners might consider to be homosexual tendancies are not shameful at all...wearing pink, wearing frills, wearing rainbows, giggling, pretend-humping with male friends, very tight pants, reading girl's comics, watching chick flicks, and obsessing insanely over hairstyles and haircolors are a few examples. Sometimes it may even become a real concern that your Japanese Boy is actually gay. Don't worry; there is a chance, of course, but this is typical behaviour. Pyon has had a date with an out-of-the-closet gay boy, and written theme music for a gay paraphanalia store in Shinjuku, but he is very straight (99% positive).

Oh, watch our for furui kangaekata, meaning an old way of thinking... especially in Japanese Boy's mothers. If your boy brings you to meet the family, I guarentee it will be after many months of dating, perhaps only after the year mark has passed. Introducing your SO to the family means one thing: marriage. Maybe there's been no propsal yet, but in the family's mind, especially HIS MOTHER'S, this is it forever. Tread very carefully around families. You should say thank you all the time, many times, and don't expect to be able to stay over either - it's another priviledge for financee's only. Of course, this is in the old way of thinking world...

Speaking of marriage, in Japan and other Asian countries, do not be surprised by sudden pressure from friends or relatives to get married to your Japanese Boy. It doesn't matter how long you've been dating, it is rather conversational to suggest "When are you marrying him? I want to go to the wedding", and then continue mentioning it no matter how awkward you become. My host mother once scolded me, "Just MARRY him already!" one time. Scolded me, I tell you. The best thing to do if this sort of conversation makes you uncomfortable is to ignore it and change the subject. If you are used to it or feel sporty, why not shoot back with some clever responses? "I haven't married him yet because I need to discuss it with my other two husbands first", or something.

Another difference between the West and East that had special signifigance to me was Japanese LoveLove holidays. Let's take a look at three big ones and how vastly different they are from the same holidays in other parts of the world.

CHRISTMAS (Dec. 25): Christmas. Christ-mas. It's a holiday by Christians for Christians, Jesus' birthday, mutilated by modern society and mixed up with the ideas and stories of various cultures. It's natural to see non-Christians going through with the typical rounds that have been seperated from Jesus... gift giving, a tree, Santa Claus, cookies, ham, stockings, you got it. That much has become a tradition for anyone who loves "Christmas Spirit". Yet, whether you are doing it for Jesus or booty, in Western culture Christmas is a family time. In Japan, about 1% of the population is Christian, yet Christmas is HUGE, at least, all those not-Christian aspects of it. They have truely mastered copying America when it comes to this freakin' holiday. A few things were tweaked, one being that Christmas in Japan is for lovers. It is the big thing to invite your signifigant other or hopeful future signifigant other out on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, where you will have a lovely date, exchange expensive gifts (usually girls get jewelry) and perhaps end up in a hotel for the night (or a love hotel, pure Japanese!). To spend Christmas in Japan with your family usually means you are a little bit of a loser. My host sister cried for all of December because nobody would ask her out for Christmas. Well, honey, that's because you are a self-centered, whiny teenage brat. Different story.

VALENTINE'S DAY (Feb. 14): Valentine's Day is only a little bit different in Japan. The main thing is CHOCOLATE. It is ALL about chocolate, man. You ain't got chocolate, you ain't got nothin'. Anyway, girls are the stars on this day. Girls give different kinds of chocolate to different kinds of guys, but PAY ATTENTION!! Giri-Choco is "obligation chocolate", costs about 100yen~500yen, and is given to guys who are there in their lives, but perhaps not that incredibly special (friends, coworkers, bosses, etc.). Guys get sort of humiliated if they don't get any chocolate on Valentine's Day, so just go buy some Giri-Choco already! The other type is Honmei-Choco, which I will choose to translate as "HELL YEAH!!" chocolate. You give Honmei-Choco to the person you really love. This is important, because you might not love  them anymore  once you go shopping for Honmei-Choco and see the prices. It's lovely, it comes in smart, romantic looking packages, it's often homemade, and you sometimes get like five pieces for about 3500yen, or thirty-five bucks. Christ in a basket. You should write a love letter and pack it up with your Honmei-Choco, and you can toss in some clothes or, if your koibito is a salaryman, a nice tie! Salaryman need lots of ties.

WHITE DAY (Mar. 14): The same thing as Valentine's Day, except now boys are the stars, and they are going to be ripped off. See, White Day only came around in 1980, when Japanese confectionary companies realized they could easily take advantage of boys who felt obligated to return the favour they got on Valentine's Day. White Day chocolates tend to be more expensive than V-Day chocolates, and are packaged very prettily in white and pink. It is also very popular to give your girlfriend panties on this day... yeah, Japan tends to be more open about its sexuality. For the record, I have not yet ever gotten any panties for White Day. Hmph.